Watching Heathers for the first time – stream of consciousness


Heathers is on NetFlix.

I’d never before seen it, and I thought that an 80s teen black comedy with murder would either be brilliant, or horribly dated.

Turns out its the former. Go watch it.

I wrote down my thoughts as I went, because I know y’all love it when I don’t bother to form coherent sentences.

Croquet. Is this a metaphor?
“Did you have a brain tumour for breakfast?”
“They’re people I work with and our job is being popular and shit”

Climbing in the window. Very Clarissa Explains It All.

Wow. Casual sex with no moralising.

Mocking people for saying untrue smarmy things about the dead. “No, you hated her!”
“Great pate but I’ve got to motor if I want to be ready for…” becoming a thing?
Please do not call Jesus a “righteous dude”
Look where you are going when riding a motorcycle.
Very WHAT?
Winona Ryder is beautiful and adorable.
Homosexual artifacts? What?
Turns out the jock can run. As he should.
Pretend to be shagging in the car. Good plan. (not sarcasm)
“Aw man, they were fags” – the obvious answer to the presence of mineral water.
Nobody uses the cigarette lighter in the car to light cigarettes any more.
“nothing to offer this school but date rapes and AIDs jokes”
Football helmets in an open casket?
Impressive accepting 80s dad
Is she wearing a monocle when writing her diary?
Blah blah troubled childhood
Slightly worried they might be making suicide look fashionable and so inadvertently cause some more.
That’s a crap method.
“Like some mythological thing my 8th grade boyfriend would have know about” – he sounds cool, why’d you dump him?
“If you were happy very day of your life you wouldn’t be a human being, you’d be a gameshow host”
The outfits are hilarious – but no more than Clueless, and I was old enough to knowingly wear clothes when Clueless came out, so I’ll assume it’s “Hollywood teenage fashion” rather than “8os fashion”.
Oooh, threats!
When you curl up on your bed because you’re stressed, why not get under the covers?
Er, 3D glasses at a funeral?
“Eskimo… Her soul was in Antarctica”
Total fake.
“Hey Mom, why so tense?”
“Whether to kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions a teenager can make”
Yeah, pep rallies or whatever they are called are WEIRD
He could have done this bit on his own without her help at all.
“You think just cos you started this thing you can end it?”
“Nobody loves me” Boo hoo.
“The only place different social types can get along is in heaven” Yeah. whatever
I clearly have little sympathy for whinging.
“I want guys like you out of my life”  Yeah!
If that’s the whole school in there, it’s a very small school.
“Power I didn’t think you had”  Yeah, we saw that!
“Now that you’re dead, what are you gonna do with your life” You don’t get away that easy just because you have a cool line.
Apparently what she’s gonna do with her life is have a cigarette. Good choice.
Cigarettes are good props for when you want to look nonchalant though.
I hadn’t realised til now that the big red hair thingy was significant.
Well done, you took the big red hair thingy. You win at life. Or something.
If I could be bothered to make GIFs I could do one of these.

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