…will be inspired by the often-hilarious Lost In Showbiz column (it’s labelled a blog but really I think it’s a column) from the Guardian website. It may be in the actual paper, I have no idea, I only read the Guardian online.
The column this week concerns itself with Christmas tips from Pippa Middleton. You know, the well-known party-planner from a party-planning dynasty. The very best of these is this:
“Why not collect and clean chicken wishbones in the run-up to Christmas, spray them silver and use each to pinch together a white hem-stitch napkin?”
Setting aside the fact that I have no idea how to identify a hem-stitch napkin, huh? How many chickens do you think I get through? Do I really need to be told to clean the wishbones, rather than spraypainting them with bits of meat still clinging to them? I suppose that might give it a more rustic look.
The best comment comes from Sparro
For my expected twelve guests, I’d have to know a dozen people who have recently each eaten a chicken and dutifully saved the wishbone for me. Maybe instead I should get a dozen chicken’s heads from the slaughterhouse. then each could be observed at the Christmas dinner-table delightfully holding a guest’s name in the beak as a jolly centre-piece of each place-setting.
I can invent this sort of tosh, too, Pippa.
So can I! So can you! Let’s all invent some more of “this sort of tosh”, shall we? We could write a book together.
So far we have a poultry-themed table with wishbone napkin-holders and chicken-head placenames. Shall we add plucked feathers as toothpicks? From the brace of pheasants that went into the terrine starter of course.
Why not create a lovely nativity scene, fashioning the stable out of beef ribs? Use Sylvanian families toys as the characters, and let everyone marvel at the baby Jesus – or the baby shrew that the cat brought in.
After dinner, why not play marbles with pickled sheeps’ eyeballs, or use interestingly-shaped pigs’ teeth as Monopoly tokens? I’ll be the one that looks like a knobbly parsnip please!
What would you have at your death-themed Christmas dinner?